scfrankles: (Sherlock & John laughing)
[personal profile] scfrankles
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday, dear [ profile] okapi1895!
Happy birthday to yoooou!

Hope you're having a lovely day, and here is a silly story for you:

Title: Giraffe-Sherlock and Okapi-John
Fandom: Sherlock (AU)
Rating: G
Length: 976
Pairing: eventual Giraffe-Sherlock/Okapi-John
Content notes: I hate to break it to you but - crack.
Author notes: For a talented writer and good friend.
Summary: Giraffe-Sherlock decides to become a consulting giraffe. His first client is Ferret-Lestrade.

In the enclosure they shared in London Zoo, Giraffe-Sherlock was the first to awake. He prodded with his hoof at Okapi-John’s bedding.

“Come on, John! Time to get up!”

Okapi-John looked blearily up at Giraffe-Sherlock, and frowned.

“You haven’t got your scarf on,” he said. “If you’ve still got to put your scarf on, I can have at least another 20 minutes in bed.”

“No, you can’t, young okapi!”

It was Mrs. Hudson, the owner of London Zoo, and she was clutching a big shovel.

“Come on—up!”

Okapi-John groaned but he rose and went to join Giraffe-Sherlock, and Mrs. Hudson began the mucking-out.

She glanced up at Giraffe-Sherlock and Okapi-John.

“Now, don’t be getting any ideas. I’m not your zookeeper—I’m just helping out.”

“You really don’t have to do this,” said Giraffe-Sherlock. “We can manage—can’t we, John?”

“Yes!” Okapi-John trotted over to where Mrs. Hudson was fussing with his bedding. “Please, Mrs. Hudson! I can sort that out!”

“Well, I’ll believe it when I see it.” Mrs. Hudson sighed. “You two have been so listless lately. What you both need is an occupation. Something to divert you.”

Giraffe-Sherlock huffed. “Actually, we’ve got an occupation. So that’s that—you can go.”

Mrs. Hudson raised an eyebrow. “Oh, yes? What is it then?”

Giraffe-Sherlock did something complicated with his ears and forehead while Mrs. Hudson and Okapi-John watched.

Then he abruptly stamped on the ground. “I’m the world’s first consulting giraffe! And John is my faithful companion!”

Mrs. Hudson looked doubtfully at him. “OK then. If you’re sure…”

“I am, Mrs. Hudson.” Giraffe-Sherlock began ushering her towards the gate of the enclosure. “And we’ve got a lot to sort out, so if you don’t mind…”

The gate closed behind Mrs. Hudson, and Giraffe-Sherlock turned to face his enclosure-mate.

“Consulting giraffe?” Okapi-John looked bewildered.

“It was the first thing that came to mind!” Giraffe-Sherlock glanced over at where Mrs. Hudson was watching them. “Anyway, we’ll have to go through with it now or she’ll be back to scrub out the water trough. And I’ve got a head of cabbage and some ladies’ fingers stored in it.”

Their first client was Ferret-Lestrade.

“What can we do to help?” asked Okapi-John politely.

“We only take on interesting problems,” said Giraffe-Sherlock, slightly less politely.


Ferret-Lestrade seemed amused more than anything.

“Well, it’s about the local wild rabbit population.”

“Dull.” Giraffe-Sherlock turned away.

“I suppose we may as well hear the whole thing.” Okapi-John looked at Ferret-Lestrade. “What’s... going on with the rabbits?”

“They’re disappearing!” said Ferret-Lestrade. “Huge numbers of them!”

Giraffe-Sherlock rolled his eyes. “Perhaps you should cut back on your snacking then.”

Ferret-Lestrade wrinkled his nose. “I haven’t been… partaking… any more than usual. This can’t be just down to the regular predators. And what happens to one species affects us all, you know that!”

Okapi-John was looking a little uncomfortable. “I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.”

Giraffe-Sherlock considered for a moment. “No, Lestrade’s right. We can’t afford to ignore this. Give me all the details.”

“Great!” Ferret-Lestrade pointed over to one side. “Well, you can see the warren from here.”

Giraffe-Sherlock stared at it thoughtfully. “No sign of the warren being disturbed. And no signs of panic in their spoor. It would appear the rabbits are leaving voluntarily.”

He followed the tracks with his eyes.

“They seem to have been travelling in the direction of our enclosure…”

He frowned.

“In fact, they’ve come up to the edge of the enclosure…”

He went over and looked more closely and his eyes widened.

“...and burrowed under!”

Okapi-John laughed nervously. “Well, they don’t seem to be here now.”

But Giraffe-Sherlock wasn’t paying attention. “And from the fence, their tracks lead to our shelter and…”

He entered the shelter, followed by Ferret-Lestrade and Okapi-John, and approached Okapi-John’s bedding.

He lowered his head, grasped the bedding in his mouth and lifted it away.

“The rabbits!”

Ferret-Lestrade stared down at hundreds of them huddled together.

Giraffe-Sherlock spat out the bedding. “John! What is the meaning of this?”

Okapi-John shuffled awkwardly. “I didn’t encourage them! Bunnies just tend to come to me, and I didn’t want to turn them away!”

Giraffe-Sherlock raised himself to his full height. “Well, I am not sharing my shelter with all these flaming rabbits.”

“Fine.” Okapi-John lowered his head. “I’ll release them back into the wild.”

A few days later it was Okapi-John’s birthday and Giraffe-Sherlock brought him breakfast in bed.

“Thank you.” Okapi-John gave Giraffe-Sherlock a faint smile.

“Are you still…” Giraffe-Sherlock hesitated. “...upset..? About the rabbits? Because I’ve been thinking about it and—”

He came to a halt entirely.

“John,” he said cautiously. “Your bedding seems to be moving.”

“Yeah…” Okapi-John pushed the bedding to one side and a dozen little heads looked up at Giraffe-Sherlock. Okapi-John smiled weakly. “I just thought it might be all right to keep a few of the bunnies..?”

Giraffe-Sherlock beamed at him.

“Of course it is, John. I apologise for my previous reaction and…” He nodded over at a small wooden structure. “I’ve got you a hutch for your birthday.”

“Oh, Sherlock!” Okapi-John got up and stared into Giraffe-Sherlock’s eyes. “That was such a lovely thing to do.”

Giraffe-Sherlock looked away. “Well, you must know, John, that I…” He glanced quickly at Okapi-John and away again. “...that I have the highest of regards for you.”

Okapi-John moved closer.

“Oh, Sherlock...”

“Oh, John...”

“Oh, boys!”

Giraffe-Sherlock closed his eyes for a moment and then spun to face the zoo’s owner.

“Mrs. Hudson. It’s lovely to see you but John and I were rather in the middle of something and we would rather you pushed off again.”

Mrs. Hudson smiled at him. “Oh, there’s no reason to be embarrassed, dear. We get all sorts around here."

She leant over to whisper to Okapi-John.

“Mrs. Turner at Whipsnade has got married porcupines.”
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