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The Diary of His Supreme and Condescending Majesty, King Stalwart Prettipaws, the One and Only
14th April
The housemaid has just given birth to a second child. It really is too much. So much noise. So much commotion. The footman appears to have forgotten I exist. I had to give the order twice this morning before I was fed.
However. I am the King - I must be gracious about the situation. They may be just servants but it is their home too. It would be cruel of me to expect them to leave at this stressful time. Perhaps I will go and stay in another palace for a while. My kingdom is certainly large enough for me to be able to find something to my liking.
Of course, there have been all those skirmishes with local pretenders to my throne recently. But I think the situation is now in paw. (No-one can yell and fluff themself up like I can.) It has undeniably been stressful though. And now with the staff reproducing… All in all it might be a good idea to get away for a while. Have a little rest. Just for a few weeks, until things have calmed down.
15th April
I’m brilliant. Only took me the afternoon to find the perfect place. Quiet area, large garden, nice couple in late middle age: another housemaid and footman partnership. I interviewed them: she rubbed me behind the ears and he gave me a whole tin of tuna. Entirely satisfactory. I took possession immediately.
The master bedroom is splendid. Enormous bed. Firm but very comfy. As is the convention with my own staff, the servants insist on sharing it with me. (I've never quite understood this strange custom but I must try and be tolerant.)
After we had all got up (I had to insist for several minutes they get up and give me my breakfast. At least they gave me tuna again) I introduced myself properly: explaining my full title and the rules for addressing me. But they’re having a bit of trouble with the language, and can only manage “Bill”.
It’s typical of humans unfortunately – I think they barely understand a quarter of what I say. It could have been worse though. My other servants called me “Lola” for 8 months. Observation not their strong suit.
I eventually became “Lol”. Which makes people laugh out loud for some reason.
( His Majesty's Diary continues... )
14th April
The housemaid has just given birth to a second child. It really is too much. So much noise. So much commotion. The footman appears to have forgotten I exist. I had to give the order twice this morning before I was fed.
However. I am the King - I must be gracious about the situation. They may be just servants but it is their home too. It would be cruel of me to expect them to leave at this stressful time. Perhaps I will go and stay in another palace for a while. My kingdom is certainly large enough for me to be able to find something to my liking.
Of course, there have been all those skirmishes with local pretenders to my throne recently. But I think the situation is now in paw. (No-one can yell and fluff themself up like I can.) It has undeniably been stressful though. And now with the staff reproducing… All in all it might be a good idea to get away for a while. Have a little rest. Just for a few weeks, until things have calmed down.
15th April
I’m brilliant. Only took me the afternoon to find the perfect place. Quiet area, large garden, nice couple in late middle age: another housemaid and footman partnership. I interviewed them: she rubbed me behind the ears and he gave me a whole tin of tuna. Entirely satisfactory. I took possession immediately.
The master bedroom is splendid. Enormous bed. Firm but very comfy. As is the convention with my own staff, the servants insist on sharing it with me. (I've never quite understood this strange custom but I must try and be tolerant.)
After we had all got up (I had to insist for several minutes they get up and give me my breakfast. At least they gave me tuna again) I introduced myself properly: explaining my full title and the rules for addressing me. But they’re having a bit of trouble with the language, and can only manage “Bill”.
It’s typical of humans unfortunately – I think they barely understand a quarter of what I say. It could have been worse though. My other servants called me “Lola” for 8 months. Observation not their strong suit.
I eventually became “Lol”. Which makes people laugh out loud for some reason.
( His Majesty's Diary continues... )
