Arch-Enemies
Mar. 14th, 2014 03:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scfranklesA/N: I wrote this for an Anti-Valentine contest on dA ^^
Mr Edwards doubted he’d be able to remember what Miss Smith looked like once she’d left the office. In fact, he doubted he could describe her now, with her sitting in front of him. She was average. Absolutely and perfectly average. Which was what gave it away to the professional eye. Patently an alter-ego.
Mr Edwards couldn’t believe his luck.
Arch-Enemies was… discreet. No website, not even a sign on the door. After all, it was a highly-specialised introductions agency and all suitable clients found the place through word of mouth. Business rivals made their first acquaintance here, bitter enmity spurring each side on to making more and more money. Songwriters and poets were introduced to highly unsuitable romantic partners, so that after a brief and distressing love affair everyone could go off and make art about how bloody awful their ex was.
This was the everyday, bread-and-butter stuff. But every so often the real deal came along.
“Miss Smith,” said Mr Edwards. He looked down and consulted his notes. “Or would you prefer to be called Superba?”
Miss Smith blushed a little. “I only use that name when I’m crime-fighting.”
“Of course.” Mr Edwards checked his paperwork again. “You know, your questionnaire is rather interesting. I think that’s the first time we’ve ever had a perfect score for ‘goodness’.”
Miss Smith blushed even more and looked down at her hands clenched together in her lap.
“Well, no-one’s ever completely good or bad… I’m not perfect… I do have my days when...”
She came to a complete halt and glanced up at him.
“Yes, all right, I’m a goodie.”
“Miss Smith,” said Mr Edwards. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Moral ambiguity is all very well but there’s nothing like an old-fashioned battle between good and evil.”
He leant forward on his desk and smiled. Miss Smith attempted to smile back.
“So you’re looking for your arch-enemy.”
“Yes,” said Miss Smith. She was starting to blush again. “I’ve had little entanglements here and there, as I’ve begun to come to terms with being a super-hero. But now I’m ready for something a bit more serious.”
“And I’ve got a few wonderful baddies who are just longing to meet you!” said Mr Edwards.
He got up and went over to his filing cabinets. No computer files – paper was far easier to keep secure. He flipped through, found the file he was searching for, and came and sat down again.
“This young lady should be just right for you,” said Mr Edwards. “Antipathy Girl – you love law and order, she loves chaos. I think the two of you should get on splendidly. I’ll contact her and then the two of you can set up your first confrontation.”
Miss Smith relaxed a little. “Thank you so, so much.” She gave Mr Edwards a hopeful smile as she got up to go.
Mr Edwards had been pleased when Julian, his PA, had told him Miss Smith had made another appointment. He was keen to hear how splendidly everything had gone. His heart sank though as Miss Smith entered his office and sat down. That definitely wasn’t a cheerful expression.
“Oh, we got on very well,” Miss Smith explained over one of Julian’s comforting cups of tea. “Perfect chemistry. So much so that I convinced her of the error of her ways, and she’s entered a convent with a view to becoming a nurse and looking after orphaned kittens in her spare time.”
“Ah,” said Mr Edwards.
“Which is lovely, of course,” said Miss Smith. “But I was hoping for something a little more long term...”
“Naturally,” said Mr Edwards. “I’ll see what else we can do for you.”
Mr Edwards did his best.
But Villain-S was quickly overpowered and handed over to the police.
Colin the Cold Fish’s super-powers were neutralised in under a week.
There were high hopes for Flaming Norah but she took one look at Superba and simply legged it.
“I’m afraid there’s really not many more baddies I can offer you.”
Mr Edwards was rummaging through his filing cabinets once again while Miss Smith looked on from her chair. He pulled out a file and flipped through it while standing by the open drawer.
“What about Bad Chap?” he asked. “He’s serving a 400 year sentence in a maximum security prison. But he does break out occasionally – every 6 or 7 months I think. Bit of a scrap and you return him to where he rightfully belongs. How does that sound?”
“Well, I suppose that would be…” Miss Smith straightened her shoulders. “No, I’d really prefer someone who was completely free – no strings.”
“Right,” said Mr Edwards. He searched again. “Well, that really leaves only one alternative…”
He took out the file and came and sat down at his desk again.
“Viral Vera. She’s been dormant for a while but she must be somewhere about. She’s kept her subscription up to date.”
Miss Smith smoothed down her cardigan and looked Mr Edwards in the eye. “I’ll find her.”
It had been difficult getting into work this morning. The main road was closed because the multistorey car park had collapsed on it, the shopping centre, the library and the town hall were still on fire, everybody whose name began with “M” had had their memories wiped and all those with names beginning with “J” kept exploding unexpectedly. Mr Edwards feared the worst about Julian.
He slumped down in his desk chair and sighed. It was highly unlikely any of his clients would make it in today.
It had to be said that Mr Edwards was not a man of action. He had never realised before he had such excellent reaction-times, finding himself under the desk with his arms over his head before consciously registering that the window behind him had exploded.
Almost immediately after, there were two almighty thuds on the top of the desk, accompanied by some rather unladylike yelling in a rather familiar voice. Mr Edwards risked crawling out, and found Superba and Viral Vera engaged in hand-to-hand combat amidst his VAT returns. However, before he could remonstrate with them, Superba threw Vera off the desk and jumped down. Mr Edwards got to his feet in time to see Superba attempting to pin her opponent to the floor, an arm across her throat. But Vera managed to bring her legs up and push Superba off, and Superba was propelled upwards and backwards at high speed, straight into a side table. An extremely expensive Wedgwood vase depicting Theseus slaying the Minotaur wobbled for a moment before falling to the floor and shattering.
Mr Edwards stared aghast. “Ladies, please…”
But Superba was up again. She ran to Viral Vera and punched her with superhuman strength. The baddie flew into the filing cabinets and bounced off.
Mr Edwards watched as all the drawers sprang open and the paper contents soared into the air before fluttering down again. He moaned quietly.
Vera had recovered and was making for the exit. She halted in front of the closed door, raised her hands and an invisible wave of energy smashed the door off its hinges.
“But it wasn’t locked…” said Mr Edwards. “And it opens inwards…”
Viral Vera ignored him and sprinted away, rapidly disappearing from sight.
Superba dashed across the room in pursuit but when she reached the doorway, she paused and looked back at Mr Edwards.
“She’s perfect,” said Superba. “I hate her.”
She gave Mr Edwards a brilliant grin and two thumbs-up, and then she was gone, chasing after her rival.
Mr Edwards stared after her for a moment before turning to look at the ruins of his office. He rubbed his forehead and sighed. It could have been worse he supposed. He briefly considered sending Miss Smith a bill for the damage but then decided it would be best to claim on his insurance, despite losing his no-claims bonus. Miss Smith was a good client.
And after all, it didn’t do to go making enemies.
Mr Edwards doubted he’d be able to remember what Miss Smith looked like once she’d left the office. In fact, he doubted he could describe her now, with her sitting in front of him. She was average. Absolutely and perfectly average. Which was what gave it away to the professional eye. Patently an alter-ego.
Mr Edwards couldn’t believe his luck.
Arch-Enemies was… discreet. No website, not even a sign on the door. After all, it was a highly-specialised introductions agency and all suitable clients found the place through word of mouth. Business rivals made their first acquaintance here, bitter enmity spurring each side on to making more and more money. Songwriters and poets were introduced to highly unsuitable romantic partners, so that after a brief and distressing love affair everyone could go off and make art about how bloody awful their ex was.
This was the everyday, bread-and-butter stuff. But every so often the real deal came along.
“Miss Smith,” said Mr Edwards. He looked down and consulted his notes. “Or would you prefer to be called Superba?”
Miss Smith blushed a little. “I only use that name when I’m crime-fighting.”
“Of course.” Mr Edwards checked his paperwork again. “You know, your questionnaire is rather interesting. I think that’s the first time we’ve ever had a perfect score for ‘goodness’.”
Miss Smith blushed even more and looked down at her hands clenched together in her lap.
“Well, no-one’s ever completely good or bad… I’m not perfect… I do have my days when...”
She came to a complete halt and glanced up at him.
“Yes, all right, I’m a goodie.”
“Miss Smith,” said Mr Edwards. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Moral ambiguity is all very well but there’s nothing like an old-fashioned battle between good and evil.”
He leant forward on his desk and smiled. Miss Smith attempted to smile back.
“So you’re looking for your arch-enemy.”
“Yes,” said Miss Smith. She was starting to blush again. “I’ve had little entanglements here and there, as I’ve begun to come to terms with being a super-hero. But now I’m ready for something a bit more serious.”
“And I’ve got a few wonderful baddies who are just longing to meet you!” said Mr Edwards.
He got up and went over to his filing cabinets. No computer files – paper was far easier to keep secure. He flipped through, found the file he was searching for, and came and sat down again.
“This young lady should be just right for you,” said Mr Edwards. “Antipathy Girl – you love law and order, she loves chaos. I think the two of you should get on splendidly. I’ll contact her and then the two of you can set up your first confrontation.”
Miss Smith relaxed a little. “Thank you so, so much.” She gave Mr Edwards a hopeful smile as she got up to go.
Mr Edwards had been pleased when Julian, his PA, had told him Miss Smith had made another appointment. He was keen to hear how splendidly everything had gone. His heart sank though as Miss Smith entered his office and sat down. That definitely wasn’t a cheerful expression.
“Oh, we got on very well,” Miss Smith explained over one of Julian’s comforting cups of tea. “Perfect chemistry. So much so that I convinced her of the error of her ways, and she’s entered a convent with a view to becoming a nurse and looking after orphaned kittens in her spare time.”
“Ah,” said Mr Edwards.
“Which is lovely, of course,” said Miss Smith. “But I was hoping for something a little more long term...”
“Naturally,” said Mr Edwards. “I’ll see what else we can do for you.”
Mr Edwards did his best.
But Villain-S was quickly overpowered and handed over to the police.
Colin the Cold Fish’s super-powers were neutralised in under a week.
There were high hopes for Flaming Norah but she took one look at Superba and simply legged it.
“I’m afraid there’s really not many more baddies I can offer you.”
Mr Edwards was rummaging through his filing cabinets once again while Miss Smith looked on from her chair. He pulled out a file and flipped through it while standing by the open drawer.
“What about Bad Chap?” he asked. “He’s serving a 400 year sentence in a maximum security prison. But he does break out occasionally – every 6 or 7 months I think. Bit of a scrap and you return him to where he rightfully belongs. How does that sound?”
“Well, I suppose that would be…” Miss Smith straightened her shoulders. “No, I’d really prefer someone who was completely free – no strings.”
“Right,” said Mr Edwards. He searched again. “Well, that really leaves only one alternative…”
He took out the file and came and sat down at his desk again.
“Viral Vera. She’s been dormant for a while but she must be somewhere about. She’s kept her subscription up to date.”
Miss Smith smoothed down her cardigan and looked Mr Edwards in the eye. “I’ll find her.”
It had been difficult getting into work this morning. The main road was closed because the multistorey car park had collapsed on it, the shopping centre, the library and the town hall were still on fire, everybody whose name began with “M” had had their memories wiped and all those with names beginning with “J” kept exploding unexpectedly. Mr Edwards feared the worst about Julian.
He slumped down in his desk chair and sighed. It was highly unlikely any of his clients would make it in today.
It had to be said that Mr Edwards was not a man of action. He had never realised before he had such excellent reaction-times, finding himself under the desk with his arms over his head before consciously registering that the window behind him had exploded.
Almost immediately after, there were two almighty thuds on the top of the desk, accompanied by some rather unladylike yelling in a rather familiar voice. Mr Edwards risked crawling out, and found Superba and Viral Vera engaged in hand-to-hand combat amidst his VAT returns. However, before he could remonstrate with them, Superba threw Vera off the desk and jumped down. Mr Edwards got to his feet in time to see Superba attempting to pin her opponent to the floor, an arm across her throat. But Vera managed to bring her legs up and push Superba off, and Superba was propelled upwards and backwards at high speed, straight into a side table. An extremely expensive Wedgwood vase depicting Theseus slaying the Minotaur wobbled for a moment before falling to the floor and shattering.
Mr Edwards stared aghast. “Ladies, please…”
But Superba was up again. She ran to Viral Vera and punched her with superhuman strength. The baddie flew into the filing cabinets and bounced off.
Mr Edwards watched as all the drawers sprang open and the paper contents soared into the air before fluttering down again. He moaned quietly.
Vera had recovered and was making for the exit. She halted in front of the closed door, raised her hands and an invisible wave of energy smashed the door off its hinges.
“But it wasn’t locked…” said Mr Edwards. “And it opens inwards…”
Viral Vera ignored him and sprinted away, rapidly disappearing from sight.
Superba dashed across the room in pursuit but when she reached the doorway, she paused and looked back at Mr Edwards.
“She’s perfect,” said Superba. “I hate her.”
She gave Mr Edwards a brilliant grin and two thumbs-up, and then she was gone, chasing after her rival.
Mr Edwards stared after her for a moment before turning to look at the ruins of his office. He rubbed his forehead and sighed. It could have been worse he supposed. He briefly considered sending Miss Smith a bill for the damage but then decided it would be best to claim on his insurance, despite losing his no-claims bonus. Miss Smith was a good client.
And after all, it didn’t do to go making enemies.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2014-03-14 11:45 pm (UTC)